Kim Benner’s search for peace and closure has lasted her lifetime. The Needham resident still grieves for her father, an Air Force fighter pilot shot down in Vietnam 60 years ago. She also wrestles with not knowing if the remains of Capt. John Carlson still exist somewhere under layers of earth in rubber plantations near Ben Kat, 50 kilometers north of Ho Chi Minh City, the former Saigon.
Benner has been to Vietnam many times, most recently just a few weeks ago. Over the years, she’s met with US government officials, Vietnamese scavengers, organizations whose goal is to find those missing in action. Each time, she comes home with clues but nothing more. “It’s very consuming and it’s depressing.” But she continues the pursuit saying she MUST BE successful. “My ‘why’ is because he mattered. His life mattered.” She says the US military goal, “we leave no one behind,” must be honored and adds, “you cannot break that promise.”
The story of Cap. Carlson is one about his love for flying. Born in Illinois, Carlson longed to fly the best aircraft in the world and that resolve took him to the Citadel, the Military College of South Carolina. There, he received an award as outstanding cadet. His skills, good looks and his passion for sports cars and sailing made him a dashing figure. At the Citadel, “Sam,” as he was called, was chosen to be the official escort for Miss America 1959 Mary Ann Mobley when she visited the college. By all accounts, “He was a really cool person,” said Benner.
Carlson was commissioned as a second lieutenant in the US Air Force on June 4, 1960. Months later he married Josephine “Jody” Mayer who gave birth to two daughters, Kim and Margot, just two years apart.
In 1966, Carlson’s dream of piloting elite aircraft came true. He was selected to be part of Northrop Grumman’s USAF Combat Evaluation Program where he mastered the F-5 Skoshi Tiger combat jets, used in both ground and air to air combat roles. He left for Vietnam May 16, 1966, just one of 22 USAF pilots selected to fly and evaluate the jets.
He somehow found time to write letters detailing daring adventures home to Jody and the girls. He never let on that he was afraid but you can sense the pressure and deadliness of war in his notes. This is one from May 28, 1966:
“The flying is very demanding and we try to keep the VC mixed up as to where the next aircraft is going to run in from. The name of the game is to keep the speed high and keep the aircraft turning all the time, which minimizes exposure to automatic weapons fire from the ground.”
The war was at its height, the fighting and air attacks were relentless on the day his plane was shot down, Dec. 7. According to Carlson’s daughter, “There was no mayday call, no parachute. There was no correction so we think he was shot and then ended up inverted, upside down … then there was an explosion because he still had napalm and bombs on the plane. Other pilots saw this huge mushroom cloud so they knew he didn’t survive.” Benner said the events are well-documented but exactly where the plane went down was not. “They lost another pilot that same day so I think they were pretty traumatized and normally when a plane doesn’t come back they have a kind of debrief but they did not.”
Over the years, scavengers have ravaged the area retrieving debris. They have shown some pieces — a wheel turbine, rear engine mount and a nut and bolt — to the US government, which discounted them, saying they are unidentified aircraft wreckage that is probably unrelated. Benner said the government told her it is her family’s responsibility to confirm whether the pieces came from her father’s plane. So she took pictures of them and sent the photos to Northrop Grumman, manufacturer of the plane, as well as another organization, Healing through History. Northrop confirmed to her that it’s highly likely that the pieces are from her dad’s plane. Unfortunately, these items remain in the hands of the scavengers or were discarded. One scavenger is now asking for money to turn over the wheel turbine.
While the Vietnamese and non-government agencies have been helpful, Benner is frustrated with what she says are weak efforts by the American government to locate her dad’s remains. So with help from her husband and sister, she personally continues the struggle to get answers. On a recent trip to Vietnam, someone from Healing with History took her to an area that seemed to be the logical place where her dad crashed. “He would have been flying in from this way, the bunkers would have been here and over here would have been the mission target,” a guide pointed out. An overwhelming calm came over Benner who said she felt happy and hopeful. “I felt, this is the place … it is somewhere in here, I know it. I know it.”
The challenge remains difficult as the ground has been dug up over and over again, landmarks have changed and the scavengers can’t remember exactly where they found items. Plus, no one, said Benner, is digging deep enough into the ground. A US pilot who flew to the same mission target 30 minutes after Capt. Carlson and who saw the smoke from the crash back in 1966 … recently died. Primary sources are drying up for the families of the 1,566 unrecovered veterans who perished in Vietnam. “Time is running out,” said Benner.
Still, she is determined to get answers in her lifetime. Her quest includes recognition that “war is terrible on both sides.” Her sister, Margot, started The 2 Sides Project to connect Vietnamese and American families who were impacted by the weapons used, including Agent Orange, dropped by American bombers. She takes some solace in knowing her father’s plane did not carry that deadly herbicide.
Benner said she knows there is no guarantee remains actually exist but she has a picture in her head that there’s an entombed cockpit all the way at the bottom of one of the craters, very deep. She dreams she would claim those remains and bury her dad in his rightful place in Arlington National Cemetery. “I already bought my dress for Arlington because I believe it. I believe it must happen in my lifetime.”
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